In the wilderness

I had a comment posted on my blog today. It was from another Dad who sounded as though he was pretty upset, frustrated and desperate. I don’t get comments that often. I also feel i am never qualified to offer any meaningful advice other than refer to books which have helped me a little.

Being a parent of a daughter with an ED is massively draining. You worry a lot especially when their weight is low. You worry when an event happens which may trigger restriction. You worry that what you do or say may be triggering. There are times you feel you wander about in a daze.

As a parent ED enters your life. He was invited he isn’t welcome. He is hard to get rid off. He is a cancerous shit.

Juniper has had a tough few weeks. Her own blog records this. I tend not to blog if she is in a bad place as i don’t want to make things worse as she reads this.

So to the Dad who commented on my post to “letter to anorexia” I say

Hang in there. I have been where you are.
Only your daughter can do it but she can do it alone
Be a dolphin……’s really hard but if you can it makes family life better.
Read lots. There might be one tip which helps.
Tell your daughter you love her lots. When I posted about advice for parents from ED sufferers the consistent piece of support children wanted was to be told they were still loved. It’s ED we hate.
When its time and right for you, write your own letter to ED. it’s hard it’s painful to do it but you may find it satisfying.
Speak to other parents in the same position. We have. We don’t speak to them often but it’s great to know they are there. Other parents of ED sufferers know where you are, know where you have been and hopefully can offer some support along the journey.

Our kids are the most important things in our lives. I know mine are. Since the day they were born we have tried to keep them safe. ED is a danger to hundreds of thousands of people. He thrives because he is sly, and people don’t recognise he exists and sufferers at the beginning love him. It’s a crying shame that Anorexia is not higher on the agenda of those concerned with health issues. It affects so many and their families.

2 thoughts on “In the wilderness

  1. I am that father your refer to and thanks for saying that. I feel I’m getting stronger than it and I think my daughter knows it to. She told me “Dad, I think you need me more than you need me” which I think may be true. However, I will not submit to it. I will embrace it and defeat it…eventually. However, I need to know more about it than it knows about my daughter… thanks for the tip. I will read more and not let it get to me as much as it wants. I will write it a letter when I’m ready and not at its choosing.

    Every grateful for you blog.

    • As Dads our jobs are to fix things and protect our babies.

      Do you know what We can’t do it on our own when it comes to ED our kids have to be involved and we need to focus on them…not ED.

      By supporting them we can help defeat Ed and whilst we have huge resources and will power to kill something which threatens our babies…it just doesn’t work (that’s just rhino)

      So involve your daughter and move at her pace and only her pace (its frustrating but necessary)

      God knows its frustrating as we have the power and desire to kill ED tomorrow…..our kids don’t. They have loved the relationship.

      So one step at a time my friend…..even if the steps are slow ones…it doesn’t matter just keep going forward.

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